What I Wore When I Loved My Life

Last weekend I went to the Dressing Your Truth Love Your Life event. It was hard and great and intense and overwhelming and wonderful all in one. I was sort of a basket case before I went because it was the second conference two weekends in a row, I was working like mad to get all the blog content finished and scheduled for when I was away, I was going to be on stage at the event, and a bunch of my fake internet friends were going to be there. I cyber know a bunch of these ladies, and there is always that fear that you won’t measure up in real life. 

It was hard to walk into a room where I sort of know many people. As I wrote in my before and after post, I never, ever walk into a room and start engaging. I always sit in the back and observe for a while, and then if I reach a point that I’m ready, I will start to engage. 

The energy in the ballroom was so huge that when I walked through the doors it knocked me back like a wave, and I burst into tears and ran for the bathroom. I’m not a crier, but it was so overwhelming and unexpected that I had a mini meltdown. Fortunately two of my friends from my neighborhood saw me and grabbed me. I retreated to the comfort of people I know and love. It took me all morning and through lunch to start to relax.

I would have been much more comfortable in a room full of strangers who wouldn’t have noticed me. Is that strange? After the last session of the day my fake internet friends started to become real life friends. We had a clothing swap and I started to get to know them in person, and they are amazing.

That night was a dance party that I swore I wasn’t going to, but I got talked into it, and then my neighborhood friends got me out on the dance floor and…I was a maniac. Those two bring out a side of me that rarely shows up. It was so fun. 

The next morning I was back to nausea because I was going on stage to be interviewed by Carol Tuttle as a before and after story. I went down to the staff room early and got to talk to most of the DYT experts and Carol. I’ve met Carol a few times, and she is just amazing. Everyone I talked to was just as awesome in real life as they are on camera. Actually they were even better. I loved every single one of them. Anna Kay touched up my makeup, Nicole touched up my hair. Everyone came by and said hello and was friendly and kind. They really calmed my nerves just by being themselves.

The four of us who were being interviewed chatted with Carol about our stories and what she wanted to address specifically. I was last to go on stage, so I got to stew the longest. 

Once I got on stage I can’t tell you exactly what happened because I don’t remember a lot of it (I hear that is normal). Carol did say I was one of the most dramatic transformations she’s ever seen. I looked that bad ya’ll. I know it. I own it. DYT saved me. 

We discussed a deep-rooted belief that as a woman life ends when you get married. You become his wife and their mom and never get to matter again. I avoided marriage for a long time, until I met a guy so fantastic that I couldn’t say no. As soon as I got married I fell into a deep depression because I was mourning the death of me. I believed I would never have friends, hobbies, interests, fun or make an impact in this world because my only purpose in life was to be a walking, talking incubator, caregiver, accessory,dependent and support staff. It took about six months for me to realize that wasn’t the case.

I married an incredible man who loved me for my spunk, fire, drive, and brains (and my legs, let’s be honest). We have continued to have fun and adventures. He has encouraged (and sometimes had to force) me to go out and have fun and friends, but I have fought him the whole way. He arranges getaways with my friends. He picks new places for us to explore. He is the one who has been encouraging me for years to start this blog because he believes I have a lot to offer. Without such a supportive husband, I probably would have lived as an empty shell all these years because I was ready to fall into that role that seemed like a death sentence.

Even though I was aware of this limiting belief, I haven’t been able to fully shake it. Dressing Your Truth was a major factor in bringing me back to myself. The last two years have been so freeing as I’ve come back to myself. Carol said I was still holding on to that belief about 20%, and that was keeping me from fully living my truth in all areas of my life. She did an energy clearing with me called the Not Not. After that session, I felt light, free, and open. That is when I was able to really embrace the experience of the conference and opened up to all the wonderful women I was with and really got to know them.

That wonderful feeling has continued since I got home. I truly love my life more. I feel like I’m moving into a new phase of life, and I’m excited about the possibilities I’m now open to. Carol gave me some great counsel to shift my thinking in certain areas of my life from an all or nothing perfection mind frame to a mind frame of perfect practice. I’m practicing these things in my life, and I can be perfect at practicing. I don’t have to be perfect at everything, which at times causes me to shut down and do nothing. That is a mind shift that makes a big difference, and I will PRACTICE IT.

Truth: I didn’t actually say much on stage. Carol summed up what we had discussed prior and worked through those things with me. I mostly nodded and tried to smile…which probably looked like a grimace. 

I really appreciated the grace and dignity in Carol’s approach of this topic. It’s extremely personal, but after so much time watching her videos and presentations and having met her a few times, I trusted her to honor me, my experiences, my feelings and how best to support me and the women there. 

What surprised me most is all of the women who came up to me afterward full of tears and emotions because they related so much to my experiences and had never realized the way it was affecting them. This message comes to us from all directions. It is still very much part of our culture. I think it’s normal to think we are the only ones experiencing things, and it’s comforting to know you’re not alone. 

Overall it was a very positive experience, and I came away with so much to think about and implement. It’s one of those things that was better when it was over, if that makes sense. Now that I’m home I can reflect on it all and sort through it. Do you ever have experiences like that? After it’s over you enjoy it more?